SAD, Same As It Ever Was

There it is, with a gnawing inevitability. Less natural light, plumper jackets, and a change in the colour of the leaves on the trees. I should be used to this by now. My mind sensing the clouds becoming greyer, more pregnant with unease. The thoughts darkening my mood. The same day as Halloween sees the end of British Summer Time and with it the official start of my Seasonal Affective Disorder. 

Seasonal Affective Disorder

After almost a decade of being diagnosed with the condition, sometimes known as ‘winter depression’ or ‘winter blues’, the fact that I can now anticipate it should be a boon. Gradually, I’ve seen an increasingly welcome awareness of mental health that is slowly removing the stigma. For me, it means I don’t feel I have to hide and suffer in silence. 

Awareness is the first step and the symptoms can include; low mood, losing interest in physical contact (including sex), feeling agitated, difficulty concentrating, a loss of pleasure in activities you usually enjoy and unerring thoughts of despair and worthlessness. There are physical symptoms too ranging from sapping of energy and finding it hard to get up in the morning to a change in appetite and gaining weight (particularly easy as winter deepens). Accepting that you have the condition is a start, dealing with it can be in a myriad of ways.

Treat Yo’Self

Make a list of all the things you enjoy doing. Seriously, write them down. For me that’s; 

• going to the cinema, 
• listening to music, 
• drinking a beer, 
• going for a walk while listening to a podcast
• watching some local football or 
• a daytrip doing whatever the fuck I want. 

Try to find the time to include one of these things on each day. Write them out in a calendar so you have something to look forward to. Daily relaxation techniques such as yoga and meditation can boost your feeling of well-being too. Regular exercise also helps so aim for half an hour to an hour every day of anything from weights to rowing. I’ve joined a running club and will try to throw in a weekly Parkrun alongside daily long walks. Treating the soul and the body. 

Supplements

One of the natural causes of SAD is a lack of Vitamin D which can be naturally occuring in sunlight. From around March to October you can get sufficient Vitamin D from spending time outdoors yet in winter that sunlight is harder to come by. You can change your diet to include more Vitamin D from oily fish (salmon, sardines and mackerel), walnuts, flaxseeds and egg yolks yet the easiest form is dietary supplements. A craving for carbs is also a symptom so if you get a hankering opt for the complex variety; bananas, oats, brown bread and rice. These foods should boost your serotonin levels to improve your mood without the sugar crash.

SAD Lamp

As the nights draw in, the mornings become darker. If you are like most people you’ll be getting up at around the same time, for me that’s around 7am. On Halloween, the clocks go back and waking up in the dark brings a persistent sense of doom and gloom before the day has truly begun. Thankfully you can apply some science to the problem and invest in a SAD Lamp which provides light therapy, also known as phototherapy or heliotherapy. In natural terms this can include exposure to sunlight yet in the mornings a SAD Lamp can mimic the effect of a summer sunrise while you lay in bed as a reliable, daily treatment for Seasonal Affective Disorder.

My trusty SAD Lamp

It is somewhat easy to withdraw, even viewing the condition as a natural excuse to hibernate. One of the lessons I’ve learnt is not to allow dark thoughts to take over, instead I write a blog post when I know it’s time to get worried. Talk to people, ask them out for a Pumpkin Spice Latte (if you’re so inclined), let them know there will be occasions when you push people away when you need them the most. Check in with your mates who may be going through the same thing. Join a class. Volunteer. Get. Out. There. Of course, the weather might be inhospitable and staying in usually means reaching for the Irish Cream and a tub of ice-cream when Strictly comes on. That’s ok as a treat but all in moderation and ideally with friends. 

Reach Out 

If you’re struggling then help is out there. In the UK you can call the Mind Infoline on 0300 123 3393 and there are Depression Support Groups

Self-Isolation Diary. Day ‘Who Knows Anymore’?

I haven’t worn a watch in over a month as time is immaterial, irrelevant when every day bleeds into the next. A malaise has fallen over me, I can feel the cold hand of depression resting on my shoulder and a voice continually asking me, ‘What’s the point?’ Even I struggle to answer it sometimes as I force myself out of bed.

Despite this uncertainty, there is a telling sense of solidarity in the air, at least in Sheffield. They don’t call this place ‘The People’s Republic of South Yorkshire’ for nothing. When I go for a run I make eye contact and make an effort to nod with every passerby. Normally to ensure they keep a distance yet also to acknowledge them. That might be theirs and mine only social interaction of the day and I’ve heard a few ‘hellos’ over the din of my headphones. However, I haven’t missed several pairs of joggers assuming that social distancing doesn’t apply to them and their panting breaths. Single file isn’t that difficult a concept to understand, is it?

There’s little joys to be found here and there. My herb garden has begun to sprout and the weather has been blissful. I dropped off some baking at a cousin’s (partly due to guilt and partly so I didn’t gorge on those treats myself) who noted that the pandemic and the ensuing self-isolation felt like, ‘Nature was ringing the bell’. She’s likely right. Once this is over can any employer force their staff to commute into an office when they can do the same job sat in their pants in bed? Certainly, the air tastes cleaner and I can hear the birds louder than ever before, badgers have even been sighted in the city centre as wildlife claims the vacant land.

I’ve started to get up earlier for a morning walk with a cup of tea or coffee simply to ensure I do get some fresh air during the day while listening to a podcast that’s been gathering dust. My weird dreams have largely ceased or have ceased to be so unfathomably weird. Words continue to gather in some semblance of order for my book and the latest count is… 114, 380. There’s still minor work to be done on the structure, interviews to conduct, a teensy bit more research, enquiries to be made yet it feels like it’s coming together.

In less productive developments, I’ve finished reading an 800+ page book and knocked a few more films off my ‘to-watch’ list. I’m exercising every day; whether that be a run, kettlebell workout or following a video of Joe ‘Fitness Chimp’ Wicks. I can feel my mood lifted when I wipe my sweaty brow. My baking exploits continue, even if I am getting complaints that my social media posts are making people jealous and hungry (excuse me while I just go finish off that sourdough pizza). I’ve made a pact with myself to empty the freezer of food so I can fill it with food I can plan around. I’ll also order myself a curry at some point when I work out which restaurants remain open.

Joking aside, this is an ideal opportunity for personal development. The real test will be when this is finally over. How will interactions continue? I’ve matched with a couple of girls on social apps and this is a truly weird time for ‘dating’, if you can call it that. Because you can’t date. You can’t schedule a trip to the pub or even a walk to the pub so what can you do? Get to know the person intimately from instant messaging and maybe phone/video calls then hope that as soon as the restrictions are lifted you hit it off in person. Akin to a long distance relationship, even if the match lives in the next postcode. Social distancing eh?

 

Self-Isolation Diary. Day 2

If the rumours are true and we are to enter lock-down then today could well have been my final day of freedom before going into a home prison. As I often do when I’m working from home, this morning I went for a long run through the park and was somewhat perplexed/alarmed to see so many of a pensionable age out walking. Granted, they should enjoy some fresh air but given the circumstances isn’t this another example of British bullishness turning into self-harm? ‘I survived a world war so I’ll get through this’.

I took my backpack and following my huge fruit and vegetable shop I headed to the market and as usual I glanced at the newspapers. Then noticed a set of three old ladies and wondered quite why they were outdoors. Then glanced back at the newspapers. The Daily Star’s headline was, ‘Stick It Up Yer Virus’ with a photo of Winston Churchill doing a ‘V for Victory’ salute with the caption of ‘Bulldog Spirit’. The Daily Mirror led with, ‘This Won’t Beat Britain’. The old ladies were nodding along so the sentiment clearly had an audience, certainly it felt like we were on a war footing for an enemy we cannot even see.

When our Prime Minister advised us social distancing I’m pretty sure a huge swathe of the population either ignored him or felt they could take the virus on the chin which is foolhardy in the extreme. I see people still going to the gym, still going to the pub and wonder if we do need a state of lock-down for people to fully appreciate the predicament we’re in.

Though if a lock-down is only hours away I did manage to visit the cinema for the final time in the foreseeable future and quite enjoyed Misbehaviour even if there were less than ten people in the huge screen to enjoy it with. The posters in the cinema were taken down gifting the building an eerie vibe. I’ll easily miss my regular trips to the movies as it’s a huge boon to my mental health to take my mind away from the world for a couple of hours at a time.

Still, there are positives to come out of this crisis. Crossing the road is a lot easier and the air seemed fresher this morning. Air pollution is down and the lock-down has meant that the water is clearer in Venice (https://twitter.com/finessabae/status/1239788402196779011). Maybe after all this we’ll be able to find a new way of tackling climate change once we see tangible benefits to working from home.

Movember. The Importance of asking ‘how are you’?

This will be the fifth occasion I have participated in Movember and it gets more important every year. Some might say the growing of a moustache is some gimmicky, hipster tradition to show the world ‘Hey, I’ll grow some ridiculous facial hair and get away with it for charity’. If you do think that, you are grossly missing the point.

I truly grasped the importance of Movember in the country where the movement originates, Australia. Over there hipsters seemingly lurk on every corner and moustaches are far more readily spotted. There does not seem to be a taboo over comical upper facial hair, but there does seem to be a taboo over men’s health.

Whenever I think of an Australian, I think of the men I met while doing my farmwork. Tough men who would work in the field all day and come in to a steak dinner. One of the phrases I often heard (though barely aimed at me) was ‘Take a spoonful of concrete and harden the fuck up’. Down under, readily talking about men’s health was frowned upon. Men would not discuss how they were feeling, they’d get their head down and carry on. This is largely the case in the UK where suffering alone is a tangible concern.

Few people ask that simple question, ‘how are you?’ My boss asks me that every so often as she knows there are times when I am struggling, whether that be with my workload or battling Seasonal Affective Disorder. She will take me a quiet area and we will have a ten minute chat where I can offload. It makes a huge difference to know that there is someone checking in on you. When was the last time you asked someone ‘how are you?’ and got a truthful response? ‘I’m alright ta’, when really you have just seen them walk in looking as if they have the world on their shoulders.

Getting men to talk emotionally is a huge challenge and admittedly there are few men I speak to whom I know I can truly offload to. Ask yourself, if you were having a hard time mentally, who would you admit that to? The statistics make for distressing reading –

. One in eight men have experienced a mental health problem

. The biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK is suicide

Men cannot afford to keep it all in and to borrow one of the foundations slogans, ‘Suicide notes talk too late’. Aside from mental health, there are two physical illnesses which Stand Up To Cancer thankfully highlighted last week; prostate and testicular cancer.

. One in eight men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer at some point

. Testicular cancer is the most common form of cancer in men aged 25-49

And yet, do men talk about this? Not really, which is why the Movember Foundation is so vital. Simply talking about men’s health is one huge step and if that means me growing a moustache to raise awareness then great. Happy to.